The Hayaa Oasis

You are who you surround yourself with. The people you call your friends become your neighbours in your akhirah. Where you live out your inhabitance is up to you. The question is, who is surrounding you today?

Weekly Writes written by Umm Idris. 05.09.25, 12:00pm.

Who is your friend?

Do you really know them?

Do you know their character well?

Do their values align your own?

In our early years, we choose those in our social circle we do not stop to evaluate critically if they are good for our dunya and akhirah. Childhood friendships often began at the playbox in a playground. As we age and mature, we look to common interests and the modelling of others to guide us. When our teenage years come, we become blinded by the desperation of trying to fit in, needing large groups of friends to feel popular and loved, find value in social statuses and seek social capital to place ourselves higher on the social ladder. But there comes a point in time that a person needs to pause and ponder who their friends truly are and what value-add they have into your life.

It took this author a great many years in her season of youth to truly grasp the art of finding the right companion in her life. From bartering her boundaries for social capitals to losing her identity entirely, it took me a little under two decades before I understood the true essence of friendship alone. That a true friend will love for you what they will love for themselves.

It was narrated by Anas ibn Malik (ra) in Sahih Al-Bukhari (13) that the Prophet (salallahu ‘alaihi wassalam) said, “None of you (truly) believes until her loves for his brother that which he loves for himself.”

Understand what you will from the tafseers of many knowledgeable scholars about this hadith, but my personal takeaway from such a profound statement from our beloved Prophet (salallahu ‘alaihi wassalam) is that a true friend should also be a good muslim. One who reflects the exemplary character of what a good muslim is. A person who bears no envy nor jealousy or superiority complex against you so much so that they want all the good in the world for you without ever considering any for themselves, nor lamenting about what is lacking for themselves. A person who will make dua for themselves in the darkest nights and in silence do the same for you. A person who finds good in their life, turns around and asks Allah (subhana wa ta’ala) to grant you the same and even more quietly. A person whose eyes will tear at the pain of your own, and will shine at the sight of your joy. A person who focuses on their deen and takes your hand to guide you to join them. A person so honest that they will never betray you for dunya, rather, they would fight to want you as their neighbour in the akhirah.

Your true friend is someone who will hurt you for your better good. They will not hold back in correcting you where you make errors in her presence, and they will not mince their words to protect your feelings if they believe your akhirah is in danger. They will remind you time and again for your sake above their own. They would advise you not according to what you need to hear but what you need to hear. They would silently model the good for others around them, spread nothing but goodness amongst them, and pray in privacy for those they value as their friend.

And the fact is, it is our heavy responsibility – especially for wanting the same thing – to be a true friend for them. If we want friends who will lead us to jannah, we must be the type of friend who will do exactly that for them. After all, we are who we surround ourselves with. We become the people we surround ourselves with. And we follow the people we surround ourselves with. So, are you friends leading you to jannah or jahannam?