The Hayaa Oasis

Many overlook the reality of nazr. Let me share with you a story, one every Muslim would deeply regret experiencing, shows how a lack of caution and humility in sharing blessings can lead to the loss of a Muslim’s most desired dream.

Weekly Writes written by Umm Idris. 20.12.24, 12:00pm.

The act of riya’ in the goodness you do comes with a destructive price. So does the arrogance and superiority you display when you are showered with blessings generously gifted to you by Allah (subhana wa ta’ala). A couple months ago I was unwinding in the evening from a rough day’s work of mothering my chaotic children with my husband when he chose to share with me a grave cautionary tale that deeply saddened me. Even till today, the story occasionally resurfaces in my memory and invokes an instinctual ‘astaughfirullah’ and a second-nature disapproval that washes over me out of pity for the ones afflicted. Here is the thing: while we carry great humility in ourselves for the righteous choices and acts that we do, we must fight hide our affairs for the sake of Allah (subhana wa ta’ala) and for our own protection to the best of our abilities. There is a reason why this is so, the tale he shared with me that day permanently cemented my resolve to be incredibly selfish when welcoming others to the intimate details of our lives.

It was a story of a woman – whose daughter married a little after us – a young beautiful woman who met her beloved on her own and chose him over those sought by her mother – at a wedding cleverly hosted with the community’s help (potluck desserts, logistic support and the like). As the years of their marriage blossomed, so did their blessings. They were blessed to receive regular monetary support from her parents for monthly rent. They later on welcome a delightful little girl into their lives. Her husband took her travelling, even to his hometown for vacation. Word eventually spread that they travelled to Saudi Arabia and migrated there. It was made known that a brother or relative of sorts was providing assistance in the matter and that they were happily residing a walking distance from Masjid Al-Haram. Allahumma barik! All of this was beautiful to hear about in a span of four years. We continue to hear repeated news and stories of their blessings made abundant for them by Allah (subhana wa ta’ala), all from the recount of her mother at every gathering we attended.

As the mother gleefully regale the stories and the news shared with her by her eldest daughter, she highlights the favours her daughter receives from others (abundance of free meals out of hospitality and love to the foreigners by the local neighbours), the ability and luxury to pray every day in Masjid Al-Haram and commit to Umrah almost every day as well if one wishes, and even the enjoyable moments they have on the very lands by which every Muslim desperately craves to step foot in. She repeats these stories joyfully aloud at large gatherings and invite anyone who will listen to marvel at the blessings her daughter receives following her marriage to her chosen husband. Months later, we heard news that remained disturbing to this day. The ever-so-blossoming family was suddenly denied visa and promptly forced to leave Mecca. For a time, they were living with her husband’s family, and it was quickly made known that she was unhappy with the living circumstances which lead to her separate return (where her father came to collect her) back to the country her parents live in (where we live too). The couple lived separately for some time – a young father separated from his toddler daughter and pregnant wife – before they could reunite when her husband’s visa to the current country of residence was finally approved.

As I contemplate the circumstances of this couple, I recall all the times word spread about how this young woman’s mother publicly meddles in their marital affairs (and that of her other daughters) and share about it openly with members of the community. She firmly believed that she had an involvement and a right to an opinion in and about the marriage and an authority of sorts as to where and how the marriage progresses. Her confident decisive moves to delight in sharing her daughters’ successes and struggles, accompanied with her nonchalant commentaries and personal opinions touched everything and everyone in the couple’s lives, but most importantly, it placed her right in the middle of their marital affairs. Upon every recount of her blessings and the goodness that enrich their lives, the public sharings poisoned them with eyes that grow jealous and envious of what the couple were blessed to receive.

I found myself dumbfounded at the thought of how a mother can be careless in protecting the hayaa of her daughter and that of their marriage. I recall concluding to myself when I heard the news of their move to Mecca, “This mother may be celebrating the blessing of her daughter’s life but her telling of such blessings is in poor taste.” As she arrogantly flaunts them against many in the community who cannot even afford to think about going for Umrah in the next ten years is dangerous. May Allah (subhana wa ta’ala) protect her daughter and their family from nazr. Not even half a year later, we found out their departure from Mecca and their current living conditions, again, from the mother herself. What was more frightening was how she spun the tale and embellished her daughter’s true circumstances deliberately in order to impress others.

Astaughfirullah.

We discovered strange narratives were fabricated. Minor details like the truth as to where the free food came from (it turned out to be leftovers packed from hotels and restaurants gifted to students who reside in Saudi Arabia) and how it was not neighbours cooking fresh meals for the sole purpose to feeding the family. Instead of the truth being that the application was being processed, it was made known that they have already moved and are living there, as though it was confirmed and approved. I do not wish to share even further about such details, but I intend to highlight the strange level of misrepresentation the mother chose to participate in for the sake of boasting to a group of women who are already inclined to feelings of jealousy and envy due to their struggling personal circumstances. It is abhorrent to me as I empathically imagine the situation the young woman and her family are in where almost everywhere they turn; a hoard of people is aware of their situation.

In Islam, we are taught to be remain mindful of who we share our blessings to. As anyone knows, oversharing only leads to the invitation of jealousy and envy, attracting nazr almost instantly. This mother in this story became careless in flaunting her child’s blessings. Instead of protecting her family, she chose to seek admiration and ignore the harm her words brought upon them. Such callous regard for what our Prophet (salallahu ‘alaihi wassalam) had warned us about, the very danger that stripped them from the blessings they had:

It was narrated from ‘Abdullah bin ‘Amir bin Rabi’ah, from his father, that the Prophet (salallahu ‘alaihi wassalam) said, “The evil eye is real.” [Sunan Ibn Majah 3506] [Graded: Sahih].

This is a cautionary tale for you and me. It is natural for us to feel proud and glad of the goodness that arrive in our home. We naturally trust and believe that our own family members, especially our parents want nothing but the absolute best for us. However, we must always maintain caution. Not everything needs to be announced, and it is acceptable to want to draw boundaries or highlight the importance of privacy to you when sharing with your own family members. Ideally, if it is not necessary to share, let it be a private celebration in your own family unit. Even the people we trust may very well harbor certain feelings that they don’t realise. Nazr does not only come from envy or jealousy of a person who wishes evil on you and wants it taken away from you and wants it for themselves. It is important to understand that it can be inflicted for different reasons. For example, one can have no evil intentions upon you but neglected to praise Allah (subhana wa ta’ala) when they admire you and so with His permission removes the blessings you have. Or your own admiring eye that causes you to inflict it upon yourself!

My advice? Protect your blessings by keeping them private, remember to always complete your ahdkars, and all the prescribed ruqya that can remove such evils from your lives. Hide as much as you can from others no matter how close or how much you trust them, but most importantly, seek the protection of Allah (subhana wa ta’ala) from nazr.

Because you never know… even your own mother can afflict nazr upon you.