The Hayaa Oasis

When the heart is overcome with disease, the darkness spreads slowly and sporadically. As the soul fight against the infestations slowly draining the host’s deen and wearing down their iman, the light of repentance dims.

Weekly Writes written by Umm Idris. 04.10.24, 12:00pm.

“Arrogance is an unhealthy ego in need of repair.”

by Thomas Faranda

‘What a compelling argument to make’, I thought as I continued to sip my sparkling cider in the late hours of this late summer night. We often find ourselves careless throwing labels demonizing anyone we regard as a threat to ourselves. The second we feel threatened by their perceived superiority over ourselves, our instinct is to mentally unbox our impression of them and dig around to find their flaws. When we can’t, the mental demons in our minds fan the flames of internal dissatisfaction in our lives and effectively incite jealousy within ourselves. We then mock and criticize them, eager to find some mistake or shortcoming that might show eventually. We bend over backwards trying to think of how much better we are to them when something finally validates the flaws we pinned on them. In the end, we end up feeling prideful as we indulge in looking down on them and twisting what little goodness shines from their niyyah to be deceitfully wicked and of duplicitous intent out of arrogance and subconscious defensiveness of our mediocrity.

Some argue that it is a way to humanize them by looking for imperfections: that to be human means one must be deeply flawed to be likeable. I, however, feel it is just our sickening way of being unable to comprehend and accept that we feel insecure in ourselves and cannot handle the reality that someone might just be better than us. The fact is, the superiority complex that rears its ugly head when provoked comes from a crippled conception of humility and a brittle sense of security in our iman and subsequently, our good deeds. The irony of this is that we find ourselves loudly brandishing the ‘haram police’ flag at every gently devout Muslim if they so much as utter a hesitant word against taking a sin lightly; the very same ones who spend most of their time quietly upholding solid Islamic practices and good character in the public. Somehow, arrogance comes hand-in-hand with unreceptive and defensive too.

Prior to marriage, I might just somewhat understand the temptation to behave similarly: furrow my brows at someone who might gently nudge me about my hayaa or get irrationally defensive at being corrected about my deen. After some good years of being diligent at relearning Islam (from the basic foundation), I found myself cornered to what today’s generation may consider ‘conservative’ and ‘extremist’. Ah, what a strange time it is to be alive where arrogance accompanies the ignorance of knowledge and encourages the lack of fear of Allah (subhana wa ta’ala). Isn’t that why a niqabi in her abaya faces more judgment and slander from other Muslim women as compared to a modern hijabi in her pair of jeans and loose hijab style which is seen as more preferrable?

What people see in such situations is the tiny tip of a giant iceberg that is deeply submerged in the darkness of the ocean. The goodness made public overshadows what is undesirable in a person for a reason. A person’s conduct outside is not a replicated reflection of the actualities of their home or inner self. I once heard a saying: “When people are impressed with you, they are merely impressed by Allah (subhana wa ta’ala) ’s covering of your sins.”

That is the truth, and that is the most humanizing way to see those who we feel insecure toward. Rather them tearing them down and soiling their reputation in society, isn’t it better if we turn the mirror to face us instead and consider self–reflection? Perhaps it is also time to curb such distasteful conduct through the reduction of non–Islamic gatherings, especially the women-only events that run long and give those involved an opportunity to invite malicious speech and condescending opinions and judgment against others.

I wonder if we have all become so desensitized to the prevalence of so many major sins that we take to minimise the gravity of playing fast and loose with our speech and judgment of others. It is certainly a road to discovery to find out the extent of how such a poor character shines in the face of a person’s actions. I often ask myself when I come across such moments: how can other fellow Muslimahs spread fitnah out of arrogance and internalised insecurities? There is much to contemplate about the root of such hateful speech. There is a clear understanding though: arrogant people are often the ones who judge others, mask their insults through condescension, hide insults within compliments, and have an exaggerated concept of their self-importance over others.

My conclusion: malicious speech is a virus that evolves into a fast-spreading disease that poisons the heart. And so I wish to warn my reader: Humble yourself quickly before you catch it.